The Universe: Oh, it’s you again. What do you want this time?
Pau: Just help me understand why he & I can’t be together? I mean, here I find a guy whom I think the world of and there’s this huge probability that he thinks the world of me too, but every time we get around to the part when we’re about to fall ridiculously hard, you come up with something to spoil it! What gives??
The Universe: What part of “you’re not meant to be” don’t you understand?
Pau: Everything.
Okay, can you at least give me one good reason why?
The Universe: Because he lives 74,032 miles away, in a place where it snows ten months a year, plus he has a girlfriend with perfect bone structure & stunningly good looks. So that’s 74,033 reasons already; raise it to the power of the nth degree multiplied by infinity. That’s why you aren’t meant to be.
Pau: But he said he had feelings for me too. And if only the situation were different, we would’ve made each other insanely happy. Can’t you remedy the situation; make him stay in the Philippines instead? And can’t you give me perfect bone structure & stunningly good looks too? It kills me just thinking about what might have been.
The Universe: Don’t believe everything he says, he is after all, just a man. Look, from where I’m standing, you have to take it as it is: a series of flings that went awry. It’s only good while it lasts, and they don’t last.
Pau: But I think I may be falling for him, as much as I try not to.
The Universe: Sweetie, he’s a two-timing, lying prick who doesn’t see your worth & will only take you for granted just like what he did for the past six years so go look for someone else it’s inevitable that one will fall for the other, but that doesn’t mean both at the same time. Eventually, one of two things will happen. Either he realizes that you’re worth it, or you realize that he isn’t. But in the end, it’s bound to fail. Why do you think your car gets scratched every time you two go out? That’s a sign.
Pau: Dammit! I’m sick of your miniscule logic & preposterous concept of destiny! Make him stay here or else imma go Big Bang on your ass!
The Universe: How dare you talk to me that way, you filthy tub of lard! I shall smite thee with my ultramagneticelectronicbeam harakiri thingy and you will be cursed with bad skin, a sucky love life, and you’ll be allergic to chocolates FOREVER!!
And that’s the story why everything in my life is so screwed up right now. I earned the ire of the Universe which is why I am broke (my Globe is cut & my credit cards are way up in the stratosphere), about to be a bum, soon to be evicted from my parent’s house, sick with kidney stones, and in pain both literally & figuratively.
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