1. Cook – I am an HRM graduate after all. Second only to drinking liquor, I believe cooking is one of my main fortes and just for that reason alone, I’d make an excellent wife
. Did you hear that (insert name of cras here)?? You blew it big time! Kidding aside, last weekend I let out a gastronomical storm. I haven’t cooked in such a long time so my julienne cutting skills were kind of a bit rusty, but the knack was still there. I had been craving CPK’s Kung Pao Shrimp since last week but I’m honestly too broke for gas, let alone to dine out, so I googled ‘til I found the Holy Grail of recipes. Not as good as the restaurant version, but for P300 all in, I’m not gonna complain. I also tried this Blue Marlin & Prawn Kebab (my own pauso) wherein I
marinated them seafood in salt & pepper tapos I added garlic, paprika and some other type of weed in olive oil, skewered them & then placed them on a grill, I made Lychee & Fruit Salad (self explanatory), Grilled Chicken Caesar Salad (very easy, just add lettuce, and voila!), and Fruity Sangria (just buy cheap wine, sparkling water, chop some apples & watermelon and you’re good).
2. Drink – There is a reason why I aced Mixology & the wine appreciation class, although I’m far from being a connoisseur and I am only getting reacquainted with it just recently. Haven’t been intoxicated in two & a half years, haven’t drunk anything alcoholic at that, up until last Saturday. I had two Long Islands, two Margaritas, two Tequila Roses, and one Gin Tonic. Not as much as I used to drink way back, but hey I’m taking baby steps here. I walked, no scratch that, staggered all the way home because as the slogan says “Don’t Drink & Drive”. So it’s actually better if you crawl on your way back, cross your fingers & toes that you don’t get run over by the oncoming traffic, and pray to God that you wake up in your own bed and not under some bridge with all them Manongs & realize you just participated in a Barangay orgy. There is another downside to it though, I’m actually allergic to generic brands of liquor (I can’t take Koska Vodka but I’m okay with Absolut) so I had to pop the antihistamines every now & then.
3. Fish for Compliments – sure it’s uncouth and tactless, but then again nothing soothes the ego better than people actually rubbing it. I got these texts from a few of my favorite people:
“Don’t ever feel that you’re a loser, (insert name of cras here) should be the one to do some reflecting because he let go of a real catch.” – Mother Goose
“You look great Pau, trust me. Even if you have the occasional zit, your inner beauty stands out.” – Sarah Balabagan
“Screw your crush; you’re too smart for him.” – Lolo Perv
I’ll admit it, that felt gooood. Did you know that 73% of guys get turned off once they realize that the girl is smarter than them? I actually find comfort and solace in that because I am smarter than most of the guys I know; the thing is, if I meet someone again that I REALLY like, I’d have to pretend to be dumb, is that how it goes? Because my crush probably thinks I’m the dumbest person he’s ever met, me being incoherent & monotonous each time we meet. How come that didn’t work out?
4. Surround Yourself with Family & Friends Who Love You – as cliché as it may sound this above all, work best. Of course Retail Therapy wouldn’t hurt either, but then again nothing beats my lola’s advice: “Bakit ka magtya-tiyaga sa iisang lalake? Bata ka pa kaya dapat collect & collect then select!”
Right. This coming from a seventy six year old grandma who got married at the age of sixteen.
5. Study – This bright idea came from a classmate of mine from DLSU, JK, wherein she commented in one of my emo-laden blog entries. That makes sense; we should just ditch boys in favor of books. However, I am not ready to sign up again for that Post Grad Brouhaha because, I’m telling you, it’s hellish. I am thinking of signing up for an Art Class, they do have these Painting for Dummies courses at the Ayala Museum. Or I can take up Pottery and recreate that scene in Demi Moore’s movie with her & the Ghost guy making love with the clay. Oh shit. That would mean I’d need a partner again. 
6. Go To A Happy Place – which in my case would mean anywhere near a body of water, and no, Manila Bay & chlorinated pools do not count. I’ve been planning to go to Palawan on the weekend of the 26th, but that still depends on a lot of factors. Factors which I’d rather not discuss right now. Also scheduled is a plan with the whole clan, this time going to Butuan on May 17th, and once best bud Jeh comes home, we’d probably fly to Bacolod to taste some of them Inasal come June. Not exactly places famous for bodies of water, but you catch my drift, don’t you?
So there, I’ve only managed to come up with six brilliant ideas. Frodo says I should just blurt it out loud and tell my cras that I cras him and proceed to profess my undying lust & all my plans of him being the father of my first born & all succeeding offspring thereafter; and if in case he laughs out loud & shakes my hand for being such a hilariously funny joker, then I’d have two options on how to respond:
A. I wallow, get inebriated, and move on.
B. Smile sweetly, tell him it’s okay & that I understand, then make an excuse to walk away.
But then again I don’t have plans of embarrassing myself any further so let’s just keep this between us, okay? Good thing The Cras does not have a Multiply account, otherwise I would have already gagged & drowned in my own spit. But just in case by some divine intervention, by some prolific stroke of destiny, by some cruel cosmic joke The Cras stumbles upon this crappy little blog of mine, which I sincerely hope will never have to happen, I have only one thing to say:
PS. I got the food pics from the interwebs because I couldnt find the camera cable connector thingy.
PPS. I feel like something bad’s gonna happen today. Something catastrophic, like me finding out that The Cras has a girlfriend/boyfriend/fiance/wife. I swear, I have this nagging feeling at the pit of my gut. Oh well, I’ll get over it, I always do.
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