I found myself bored to death on a Tuesday afternoon. Why am I not at work? Because I didn’t feel like going nyahahaha. Kidding. So I took the Beetle and treated my two brothers to designer coffee. Yes I know, little kids aren’t supposed to drink caffeine, but what the hell. I was having a pretty intellectual conversation with Zach age 8 and Galo age 6, with the topic being boys, specifically, how do I make this certain boy cras me back. You will be surprised at what they came up with, I swear, I could not believe that these boyitos had a firm grasp on relationships already, and they haven’t even been circumcised yet. I don’t know what’s been showing in Cartoon Network lately, but whatever it is, it’s stealing the innocence from my little brothers hehe. These advices are from their own mouths, from their own words, based on their unadulterated perspectives.
Plan A – Make him jealous. Look for a boy that is both your friends and kiss him on the lips when your crush is around.
Plan B – Make yourself beautiful. You should trim your eyebrows and make your eyelashes longer. And then put blue make up on your eyelids.
Plan C – Buy a love potion and put it in his favorite drink.
Zach: What’s his favorite drink? Swiss Miss?
Me: No, it’s beer.
Zach: Yuch. Grown-ups are so gross.
Plan D – Rent a limo and draw on a cardboard how much you like him then pass by his house. If he sees the limo, he’ll like you back. Just don’t show him your Honda.
Plan E – Do whatever he says like if he asks for a foot massage, just do it even if it’s yuchy. And then he’ll love you forever.
Plan F – Eat little candies and chocolates then drink lots of water so you won’t be fat anymore.
Plan G – Pretend to be fancy and rich. Tell him you have one million dollars and that you’ll buy him his dream car.
Plan H – Bring him to a carnival. If he’s having fun, he’s loving it, and if he’s loving it, he’s loving you.
Plan I – Use Close-Up so that your breath will be super cold and then say the H word (something that starts with the letter H) so that he’ll feel cold and then he’ll say “Okay, hug me na.”
Plan J – If everything else fails, go look for another boy. Someone who’s nicer and has a higher percentage of fun. Just like David Hasselhof. Now, when asked how they knew who David is, my little brothers chorused “He’s the cool guy in the Spongebob Movie.”
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